Narrative writing: show a character through action

Quick answer. Do not tell the reader that a character is brave or kind. Show one thing the character does when it costs them something. This page has two original scenes, each told and then shown, a note on every action choice, a table that links a trait to a pressure and an action, and a told paragraph for your child to rewrite. No version here is graded, and none is a template to copy.

What does "show, don't tell" mean for a character?

A told sentence names the trait: "Mina was brave." The reader is asked to believe it. A shown sentence gives the reader something to watch, and the reader reaches the word themselves. The trait comes from what the character does, and it matters most when the action costs them something: comfort, time, a treat, or being liked.

A string of adjectives does not fix this. "Mina was brave, bold and fearless" is three told words, not one shown moment.

How do you choose the action?

Ask three questions in this order.

1. What is the trait? One word, for example brave or kind.
2. What pressure makes the trait cost something? A character who is never tempted to do otherwise has shown nothing.
3. What is the smallest action that a person with this trait would do under that pressure? Choose one concrete action the reader can picture, not a list.

Scene one, told and shown

Told version (about 60 words).

Mina was a brave girl, and everyone at school knew it. One cold morning her little brother's cap blew into the shallow end of the school pool. Mina was not afraid of the cold water. She was very brave and she wanted to help him, so she stepped in to get it. Afterwards everyone said how brave she had been.

Shown version (about 130 words).

The cap landed on the water once and drifted out from the steps. Eli's chin wobbled. Nobody by the pool moved; it was seven o'clock and the water lay flat and grey. Mr Hale, the pool teacher, was still unlocking the shed at the far end.

Mina dropped her bag on the tiles and pulled off her shoes. She tucked her school socks inside them, one by one, as if she had all morning. Then she sat on the edge and let her feet down the steps. The cold climbed past her knees and she sucked in a breath through her teeth.

"Stay with the bags," she said to Eli, without looking round, and she waded out to her waist.

Her hand came back holding a dripping cap.

What the action choices reveal.

Action in the shown version	What it reveals	Why it was chosen over another
She takes off her shoes and tucks her socks inside them	She has decided before she moves, and the care shows she is not acting on a rush	A dramatic jump would show daring, not steadiness. The slow, tidy detail is what makes the reader notice that she is steady while everyone else is frozen
She "sucked in a breath through her teeth"	She feels the cold, so the choice costs her something	Leaving out the cost would make her fearless instead of brave, and the reader would not be asked to admire the decision
She says "Stay with the bags" to Eli without looking round	She is looking after her brother while she does the hard thing, in shallow water with a teacher nearby	A speech about helping him would tell the trait again. One short instruction does the work
"Her hand came back holding a dripping cap"	The scene ends on the result and stops	A line saying how everyone praised her would tell the reader what to think, which is the told version's last sentence

Scene two, told and shown

Told version (about 70 words).

Tom was a kind boy who always thought about other people. At lunch he noticed that the new girl, Priya, was sitting by herself. Tom was kind, so he felt sorry for her. He had been looking forward to playing handball with his friends, but he decided to be kind and sit with her instead. Priya was happy that Tom was so kind, and she smiled at him.

Shown version (about 120 words).

The handball court was already full. Tom could hear Zac calling his name over the squeak of shoes, and his thumb was still hooked in the strap of his bag.

Across the quadrangle the new girl sat on the end of the long bench with her lunchbox unopened on her knees. She was reading the same page of her book she had been reading when the bell rang.

Tom looked at the court. He looked at the bench.

He walked over and sat down one seat away, then took the larger half of his sandwich out and held it out along the bench without saying anything.

"I haven't got a book," he said. "Can I look at yours?"

What the action choices reveal.

Action in the shown version	What it reveals	Why it was chosen over another
He hears Zac calling and keeps his thumb in his bag strap	He wants the game, so giving it up has a price	If he did not care about handball, sitting with Priya would cost nothing and show nothing
He sits "one seat away", not next to her	He is careful not to crowd her	Sitting right beside her would make the action bigger than the moment. The gap is what a considerate person leaves
He holds out the larger half of the sandwich	He gives up something of his own, in silence	Saying "you can have half" would explain the gesture. Holding it out lets the reader see it
"Can I look at yours?"	He asks for something, so that she is helping him	A line of sympathy would put him above her. Asking lets her say yes and keeps her dignity

Trait, pressure, action

This is the planning table. Fill in the three columns before you write a shown version. The first two rows are the scenes above; the others are for your child to try.

Trait	Pressure (what it costs)	Action (one thing the reader can picture)
brave	The water is cold and nobody else will step in	She takes off her shoes, then wades in
kind	He wants the game and the court is full	He sits one seat away and holds out half his sandwich
patient	The queue is long and the bus is nearly full
honest	Nobody saw the broken window

What mistakes should we look for?

Mistake	What it looks like	What to do
Stacked adjectives	"Mina was brave, bold and fearless."	Delete the list. Write the pressure and one action instead
An action that does not fit the trait	A "kind" boy who sits down because the bench is shady	Ask what the action costs. If it costs nothing, choose another
A list of actions	She waded in, got the cap, came out, and dried it	Choose the one action that carries the trait. Cut the rest
Telling straight after showing	A shown moment followed by "She was so brave."	Delete the sentence. The reader has already got there

Can my child rewrite a told paragraph?

Here is a told paragraph about a new character. Ask your child to rewrite it as a shown version of about 100 words. Give them the table above and 15 minutes without help.

Jas was a very careless boy. He never looked where he was going and he was always breaking things. His mother said he was the most careless person she knew. On Saturday he carried the family's best glass bowl to the table and, because he was careless, he dropped it.

Steps.

1. Write the trait word in the first column of the table: careless.
2. Choose a pressure. What makes it matter that he is careless right now?
3. Choose one action the reader can picture. Do not use the word careless.
4. Write the shown version. Do not add a sentence at the end that says what he is like.

One possible version.

Jas had his eyes on the cricket scores on the phone in his left hand. His right hand held the glass bowl by its very edge, with the salad piled high over the rim.

"Mind the step," said his mother.

He took the step at a trot. The bowl slid a centimetre, then another. A lettuce leaf fell on the tiles.

Jas looked up from the phone when he heard the crash.

A child who chooses a different action has not got it wrong.

Self-check

Before you read the sample, ask your child to check their own version.

1. Does it contain the trait word, or a form of it? If it does, replace that sentence with an action.
2. Can you point to one action that shows the trait under pressure?
3. Does the last line stop on the action, with no sentence that explains it?

Where to go next

The Department of Education states that the Selective Writing test is one open-response question in 30 minutes (Selective high school practice tests). Character is one of several skills a piece of writing draws on. The NSW Selective writing test page explains the whole task. If your child wants a reader for a draft, AI and teacher feedback explains what each kind of feedback can and cannot do. Free practice packs are on the free mock tests page; a free account is required to use them.

Written by James Rush, Braintree Coaching Australia. The scenes and sample rewrite are original and use fictional names. A named teacher review has not yet been recorded for this page. If you find an error, please tell us. Last updated 15 October 2026.