Persuasive writing: how to improve a weak opening

Quick Answer

A strong persuasive opening does three jobs in two to four sentences: it speaks to a specific audience, states a clear position, and gives the main reason. This workshop from Braintree Coaching Australia shows three original weak openings, revised line by line, with notes on what changed and why. A new prompt and a self-check follow. It is written for Year 5–6 children practising for selective writing, and it is free with no sign-up.

Who is this workshop for?

It suits a Year 5 or Year 6 child whose persuasive writing starts slowly: a greeting, a question, a general statement, and no position until the second paragraph. It also helps a parent who can tell an opening is weak but cannot say why.

The NSW Department of Education lists Writing as one of four sections of the Selective High School Placement Test: one open-response question in 30 minutes. The task type can vary, so persuasive writing is one kind to practise, not the only one. See the department's Selective practice tests page and our guide to the Selective writing test.

All three sample openings below were written by us as teaching examples. They are not real children's work and have not been given a mark.

What makes an opening weak? Three checks

Read an opening and ask:

1. Who is this written to? If the answer is "anyone", the writing will sound like a list of facts.
2. What does the writer want? If you cannot repeat the position in one sentence, it is not there yet.
3. Why? One main reason should appear. The details can wait for the body.

Opening 1: the greeting and the announcement

Prompt: Your school is deciding whether to replace homework with 20 minutes of free reading each night. Write to your principal with your view.

Weak opening:

Hello, my name is Sam and today I am going to write about homework. Homework is something that lots of schools have. There are many reasons for and against homework and I will tell you about them.

What goes wrong:

• The first sentence announces the topic, which the principal already knows.
• "Lots of schools have" homework is true and tells the reader nothing new.
• "Reasons for and against" promises a discussion. The prompt asked for a view. After three sentences we still do not know which side Sam is on.

Revised opening:

Dear Ms Tran, I believe our school should replace homework with 20 minutes of free reading each night. Worksheets are finished in a rush and forgotten by morning, but a book a child has chosen is one they will open without being asked.

What changed:

Check	Weak version	Revised version
Audience	"Hello", to nobody in particular	The principal, by name
Position	Missing	First sentence: replace homework with reading
Main reason	"Many reasons"	Children will read a chosen book willingly; worksheets are rushed

The revision is shorter than the original. Cutting the announcement made room for the reason.

Opening 2: the question with no answer

Prompt: The local council wants to close the skate park and build a car park. Write a letter to the council giving your opinion.

Weak opening:

Have you ever thought about skate parks? What would you do if there was nowhere to skate? Skate parks are fun and car parks are boring. That is why this is an important issue for everybody.

What goes wrong:

• Two questions in a row hand the work to the reader. Neither is answered.
• "Fun" and "boring" are the writer's feelings. A councillor deciding about parking will not be moved by them.
• "An important issue for everybody" could end any opening on any topic.

Revised opening:

Dear Councillors, please keep the Hillview skate park open. On any afternoon after school there are thirty or more young people using it, and if it becomes a car park they will have nowhere nearby that is safe, free and away from traffic.

What changed:

• The questions are gone. The position arrives in the first sentence as a direct request.
• The reason is aimed at what a council cares about: how many people use the place, safety, and cost to families.
• "Thirty or more" is the writer's own observation. In a test, your child can use a sensible, honest detail like this from their own experience. They should not invent statistics or pretend a survey was done.

Opening 3: the position that hides

Prompt: Should children under 12 be allowed to have their own mobile phone? Write an article for your school newsletter.

Weak opening:

Mobile phones were invented a long time ago and now nearly everyone has one. Phones can be used for calling, texting, games and many other things. Some people think children should have phones and some people think they should not. In my opinion there are good points on both sides.

What goes wrong:

• The history of phones is background. It delays the argument.
• "Some people think… and some people think…" restates the prompt.
• "Good points on both sides" is a refusal to choose. A writer can admit the other side has a point and still take a position.

Revised opening:

Most of us in Year 6 will catch a bus or train to high school next year, and our parents will want to know we have arrived. That is the best reason for children under 12 to have a basic phone of their own: one that calls and texts, with games and social media left for later.

What changed:

• The audience is other children and their parents, so the opening starts from something they share.
• The position is specific. It is not "phones are good". It is "a basic phone, for calls and texts".
• The limit ("games and social media left for later") shows the writer has thought about the other side. That is more convincing than pretending there is no other side.

What mistake patterns should we look for?

Pattern	Looks like	Fix to try
Announcing	"Today I am going to write about…"	Delete the sentence and see if anything is lost
Unanswered questions	"Have you ever wondered…?"	Replace the question with its answer
Empty importance	"This is an important issue"	Say who it matters to and what happens to them
Sitting on the fence	"There are good points on both sides"	Pick a side, then name one limit or condition
Background first	History or definitions of the topic	Move it to the body or cut it

Can my child try it on a new prompt?

Prompt: Your school can afford only one of these next year: a vegetable garden or new sports equipment. Write to the Parents and Citizens committee saying which one the school should choose.

Give your child five minutes to write the opening only. Then check it together:

• Does the first or second sentence say which one to choose?
• Could you tell it was written to a parent committee, not to a friend?
• Is there one main reason, and would that reason matter to parents?
• Is it four sentences or fewer?
• Is every sentence doing a job? Try deleting each one in turn.

If two or more boxes are unticked, rewrite the opening once using the same prompt. Rewriting the same opening teaches more than starting a new topic.

What should we do after this workshop?

• Keep the revised opening and write only the first body paragraph tomorrow. Short, separate sessions suit this skill better than one long essay.
• For how the writing section works and how to pace it, read the NSW Selective writing test guide.
• If you are weighing up feedback options, our page on AI and teacher marking explains what each kind of feedback can and cannot tell you.
• The free mock tests need a free classroom account.
• For a structured set of writing tasks with feedback, see what the Selective writing course includes and check how responses are assessed before buying.

Sources and review

Official source (checked 2026-10-05): NSW Department of Education, Selective High School practice tests: the Writing section is one open-response question in 30 minutes.

Where the examples came from: all prompts, weak openings and revisions are original Braintree Coaching Australia teaching examples written for this page. Names and places are made up. None is a real child's response and none has been marked against official criteria.

Author: James Rush, content writer, Braintree Coaching Australia.

Review status: a named teacher review has not yet been recorded for this workshop. If you think a note is wrong or unclear, please tell us.

Last updated: 2026-10-05.